Wonderings & Wanderings

Remembering Ignatius

I'm out East in Duck, NC (on the Outer Banks) — one of the most beautiful places in country and a soul place for me for a few days of thinking, praying, and writing.

Eight years ago our family took a wonderful fall sabbatical here. This afternoon as I ran and watched the sun set over the Currituck Sound (this is one of those rare East coast locales where the sun sets over water!), the vivid and blessed memories of this time came freely back to my consciousness. During those three months, we organized our living around the practice of the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola (the heart of Jesuit spirituality). I heartily recommend this practice. Ignatius wrote one of his annotations to the Exercises so that the world outside the order could also enter this journey of prayer. His vision was amazing to provide this gift. He truly understood the role of the monastery in the extended life of the church and God's people. I'm never too far away from the memory of that experience when I return to the Outer Banks. I know so little about prayer. But my journey with exercises has been a source of the little that I do know and the experience that finally kindled my love for prayer (which seemed to have been extinquished at that point by 30 years of trite theology, fear, and shame).

In the early weeks of the Exercises, I learned (and experienced) the ability to proclaim myself "a sinner loved by God." Most of our bad theology and shame in religious experience comes from our inability to sincerely accept this whole sentence. Some of can't bring ourselves to acknowledge sin and failure. Most of us know this too well and cannot conceive of God's love. The ability to pray this sentence honestly and eagerly is one of the greatest graces I've ever received of God.

The heartbeat of the Exercises is the "Examen." Ignatius taught that, even if one cannot pray any of the daily offices or any other element of the Exercises, one should not delete the examen. The examen is an evening, simple prayer where one asks two questions of God:
1. What opportunity/experience of God's grace and love have I missed today?
2. How have I experience God's grace and presence this day?
The regular practice of the examen yields a growing awareness of our failures AND of God's continual presence in our lives (despite the failures). In short, it teaches us to pray as "a sinner loved by God." The examen is a wonderful practice for the dinner table, community conversation with roommates at the end of the day, or a simple prayer in darkness while falling asleep. I particularly enjoy sharing the examen with others. (For many years, I shared the examen with teens at the end of a day of work on mission teams.)

I find that I am continually relearning the lessons of the Exercises. For too long, I have tried to create perfect times and seasons for prayer or expected deeply memorable experiences of prayer. My perfectionism and idealism become huge barriers to prayer. My friend and spiritual mentor, Fil Anderson, has gently and patiently taught me that prayer is something that we graft into chaotic and hectic lives. This was also, of course, the vision of Ignatius who wrote his 30th annotation of the Spiritual Exercises a gift to those who did not experience the call, privilege, and burden of the monastery.

Peace and Grace — Tim

November

Sorry for my month of inactivity on this site — November has been a vivid, challenging, and wonderful month for me. Here's an update of travels, activities, and life the last month:

Mars Hill Graduate School: A close friend was looking at seminaries a few years ago and came across Mars Hill's mission statement: "Exegeting Text, Soul, and Culture" and I instantly thought — this is what seminary should be about. Over the last couple years I have enjoyed getting to know Dan Allender and work of Mars Hill. This past month, I had the privilege to travel to Seattle and join their board of directors. One of my first assignments will be to help with a redesign of their MDiv program around these three passions of text, soul, and culture. A confession — I've been a long critic of the seminary process of ministry preparation. I felt extremely well trained in the arena of text (although this process was often compartmentalized from spiritual formation, life, culture, and even reality in terms of the time expectations of working pastors — does anyone remember the mantra of one hour of study for every minute in the pulpit?). But I also felt that I had been extremely lucky in having instruction from faculty (aka renegades) who were deeply interested in culture and the soul of a leader and the soul of community. I'm really excited about Mars Hill's desire to be a place to prepare leaders to embody kingdom and gospel in a post-Christian and postmodern world. It will be a privilege to join in and turn my long critique into hopefully a positive contribution.

Our family's fall has been shaped by my mother-in-law's treatment for leukemia at nearby Duke Medical Center. This experience has produced enough life observations for years. There are a couple oncology residents and nurses who embody the kind caring that Jesus insists on in the gospel (including one resident who is a former Division 1 NCAA football lineman who constantly demonstrates how strength and compassion are not alien entities). My greatest lessons have come from my wife, Mimi, who has given meaning to "honor thy father and mother" during this process. Her selflessness and diligence have been inspirational to me. In her wake, I'm constantly asking, "What/who do I love enough to merit such a determination and selflessness." Sadly, my list is too short.

This month I have also made a commitment (if approved by our fellowship) to lead a mission plant in downtown Durham, NC. I would like to use this blog space to chronicle many more of our dreams, failures, and accomplishments. But in brief, we're forming a community of persons who are excited about exploring a different manner of "doing church" that is appropriate to this context. One of our greatest dreams, hence the "mission plant" designation, is to develop this missional community with an intentional relationship with the Chapel Hill Bible Church. It's not a breathtaking discovery, but I have believed the Christian community desperately needs different types of fellowships in intentional partnerships and friendship with each other in our changing culture. I'm eager and excited about the possibility of living out this reality.

We have started a ministry cohort here in the Triangle ("Ekklesia"). Emergent has been slowly developing "cohorts" or "local learning communities" around the US and also in many other countries. These communities are designed to be sanctuaries where leaders can gather and discuss what it means to lead and do ministry in a changed culture. Many thanks Chris Marlow and Ken Nussbaum (founding pastors of "Sacred," an innovatiive emerging church plant in Raleigh) for taking the time and energy to get Ekklesia started. Our next gathering is on January 6 at Cafe Cyclo in Cameron Village (downtown Raleigh) at 10am. If you're local, please feel invited to join this new community. We are discussing Brian McLaren's "Generous Orthodoxy" in our meetings as well as sharing about our communities as a vital first step to ministry friendship and partnership.

Finally, I do want to recommend this last offering from Brian McLaren ("Generous Orthodoxy"). For many years, I've struggled to offer to friends who are engaging or exploring the Christian paths a book that does not lead the reader through a series of obscure presuppositions or insulting generalizations. I think Brian has truly succeeded in his efforts to produce such a book. This book is intended not as a final statement (note the very humble "Chapter 0" preamble) but as a provocation to greater dialogue. Brian, a friend I value, has always led with a tone of generosity, inclusion, and humility. Brian, thank-you for this bold and vulnerable contribution to the conversation.